Just Gotta Let It Go
by Celeb Ryu
Summary: Lupin's thoughts after Sirius is taken to Azkaban. Done to the song "I Need Some Sleep" by Eels. SBRL


Wow…actually writing. This is becoming rarer and rarer with me. -- Not good…Anyways, this is an idea I've actually had stuck in my head for only a day or two, but it won't seem to go away. This is my spin on how Remus deals with Sirius going to Azkaban. And yes, this fic does hint at Remus/Sirius, so if you dislike that, I suggest you scurry far away now. I don't own the characters, if I did, it would be sooo canon. Hell, it practically already is. I also don't own the song "I Need Some Sleep," some band called Eels does.

Just Gotta Let It Go

By Celeb Ryu

_I need some sleep  
You can't go home like this_

I let out a soft sigh as he walked out of the pub and towards his home. I couldn't stand watching all the people celebrating, even though it's been months since the incident. He couldn't see a single reason to celebrate. My best friends are dead. And my lover…well, I don't even want to think about that. I sighed softly, not really wanting to go back to my flat. I know I won't sleep. I haven't done so since…since that night, the night that changed everything…

_I try counting sheep  
But there's one I always miss_

I try to think about other things, about happier things, about how good it is that Voldemort's gone now, even if it is just temporary. Yet I can't shake these thoughts from my head. Not even the strongest sleeping potions seem to work. How could he do something like this? James was supposed to be his best friend…and me…the bastard told me he loved me! If he loved me, then why the hell did he do this?

_Everyone says I'm getting down to low  
Everyone says, "You just gotta let it go"_

Supposedly, everyone is worried about me. I have visoters almost everyday. Molly and Arthur say they fear I'm too depressed, that I should come vacation with them, cheer myself up. I wonder if Dumbledore asked them to do that. It wasn't like we ever exactly close or anything. The only people I was close to are either dead or…Well, with what Sirius did, I almost wish he had died. I think that would have been a lot less painful to deal with.

_You just gotta let it go  
You just gotta let it go_

Everyone tells me to let it go, that I shouldn't obsess over this, but how can they say that? It's not like they understand. How could they? Had their lover betrayed them? Had the one person to ever understand them turn their back on them? No. How could they understand? If they did, I don't think they would be so quick to ask me to just let go. It's not that simple. I don't think it ever will be.

_I need some sleep time to put the old horse down  
I'm indoor and too deep and the wheels keep spinning round_

I sighed softly as I arrived at my apartment, opening the stepping inside, throwing down my robes in a mess on the floor. I think the reason why I left at all these days was to keep myself from going mad. I wish I could actually sleep, clear my mind. Stop thinking about him. Why did he do this…why….

_Everyone says I'm getting down to low  
Everyone says, "You just gotta let it go"_

I sigh softly as I go into the drawers, going through my nightclothes when I pause to look at a familiar black shirt, one Sirius used to wear all the time. I hold it up to my nose and inhale deeply. It still smells like him, that musty smell that can only be my Sirius. Not that he's mine anymore, assuming he ever was. I should really start getting rid of some of his stuff…

_You just gotta let it go  
You just gotta let it go_

But I can't seem to be able to get myself to do so. It's too hard. I love him too much. I clutch the shirt to my face, tears dribbling down. He was the first person to make me feel unalone. He was the only person to really love and understand me. Or so I thought. Now I'm just alone again. And it hurts. Oh God, it hurts…

_You just gotta let it go  
You just gotta let it go  
You just gotta let it go_

Why Sirius…why them? They were our best friends, they accepted what we were even when nobody else would. I sigh softly and get up, walking to the wastebasket, forcing myself to drop the shirt inside. I had to move on. It wasn't healthy. I had to let go. I just have to let go…but how?


End file.
